fits & starts

Celebrity Sightings, In Three Parts

Part I
A certain critically-acclaimed actor lives right around the corner from us. I see him often and my usual reaction is, "Oh...there he is." You know in magazines like US and In Touch how they have those sections called "Stars: They're Just Like Us"? It's usually a picture of someone like Je*nifer Garner coming out of the grocery store with a caption that says, "They even go shopping for food." "They even pay the meter." "They even scratch their ass." "They even pick up hookers." And so on. Well, anyway, that's what it's like when I see this guy. He even goes to Banana Republic. He even crosses the street. He even wears glasses.

So last week I saw him even walking down the main street here. No big whoop. Until two moms saw him too and giddily decided to whirl their strollers around so fast their kids probably got whiplash and chase him down the street. I watched in awe because a. they looked pretty ridiculous and b. what the hell were they going to do once they caught up with him? He wound up crossing to the other side of the street and outpacing them and then he even went into his apartment building. Stars! They really are just like us.

Part II
Last Friday I got to meet a bunch of cyber celebs. I've come to know them electronically in the last year or so, and they were every bit as delightful in real life as they are on their blogs. The afternoon guest starred (in order of appearance): this borough's own Brooklyn Mama and the dazzling Ping; Karen, mom-to-be of Maya; Figlet, who is waiting way too long for the delicious LSP to come home so she and H. can start up the romance of a lifetime; Amy, who just might be her traveling partner since she's soon on her way to bring home little Z; and Amy, who is another super-hip mom-to-be and joined us all the way from the West Coast; and Robin, whom I've met before and her sweet daughter Amelia. Amelia could teach H. a thing or two about not making a mess at the table.

After lunch we strolled on over to Magnolia Bakery where I bought four cupcakes. Later that night, I even ate one without apology.

Part III
Last night, I met Tommy Himself and Brian LastStop out at Joe's Pub for the Liz Phair show. I haven't really liked Liz Phair since her second album or so, but Tommy Himself is a big fan and I agreed to go. She was actually quite good last night, and I think the acoustic setting did her right. She played a few new songs which I liked--if they're indicative of the rest of her forthcoming album, I'll no doubt take a give it a fair (no pun intended) shot. But wait!  That's not my sighting.

So we're sitting there waiting for the show to start in this really intimate venue when in walks Zach Braff and sits down at the banquette in front of us. We were thisclose. I was nose breathing on him, people. You see a lot of famous folk in NYC, but this was particularly grand as I think Scrubs is the funniest show on TV right now. Anyway, the opening act went on and apparently ZB loved him. Stars! They're just like us! They even say "Woo-hoo!" at rock shows!

Short Story Long

I was on the phone today with Mr. Fits, telling him all about our morning at the park. I mentioned that there was a mom at the park with her kid, let's call him Fergus. Fergus and mom are two people I try to avoid, for good reason. See, a week or two ago, Fergus walked up to H. and pushed him down just because he wanted to. But you know what? That's what some two-to-three year olds do. So I waited for the mom to do the obligatory, "Oh jeez, I'm so sorry. Is he okay? Fergus, DO NOT PUSH. He's just a baby. Please say you're sorry."

Instead, she ran after a laughing Fergus, with a big grin on her face and said, "Ferg, hon. Uh-uh. You know we don't do that. Come back here silly! Hey tough guy...let's try not to do that. I'm gonna get ya...I'm gonna get ya..." and then it just turned into play. Not exactly the reaction I was looking for.

So now I really didn't like Fergus or the mom. And I decided that we'd try to avoid both of them in the future. Which, actually, has been just about every day for the last couple of weeks. Today, they were there in full form and when H. picked up a fire truck, the kid yelled from atop the jungle gym, "MY TRUCK! MY TRUCK!" I picked H. up and moved over to another area of the park. The end.

I happened to recount this to Mr. Fits during our phone conversation, and he agreed that we should stay away from them. I said, "I'm totally going to say something to the mom if it happens again." And he said, "Yeah, you should definitely say something to her and make fun of her kid. And let H. hear it. That way, he'll learn that instead of solving problems with his fists, he can solve them by verbally abusing people. Like we do."

Correction

Fits & Starts incorrectly stated yesterday that Baby H's first word (other than his usual "dadada" and "mamama" babble) was "dow" (down). Apparently, when no one else but his Dad heard him, he said "Daddy."

I stand corrected. I also stand waiting to hear it for myself.

And now...some photos.

This is H. and his beloved baby doll stroller.

After some time, measured in a matter of seconds, the budding mechanic checks the undercarriage.

Time for a passenger.

Our hero gets distracted.

And runs away...

Bye stroller!

So two of H's favorite things in the whole world are balls, wheels and strawberries. Okay, three. As a side note to the side note, last night I smelled the bunny he chews on at bedtime and it smelled like strawberries. That's reportedly the first sign of strawberry overdose. So say all the child rearing books.

Anyway, H has a few balls he chases around the apartment. He could do it for hours. They roll under and behind everything and he always manages to get them out from wherever they've landed. Absolutely nothing will stand in the way of his life's greatest passion. Nothing.

Bits & Bobs

Feel Bad Movie of Last Year

We rented Netflixed (yes, it's a verb) Million Dollar Baby the other day. I laughed my ass off! Hillary Swank's comedic timing was impeccable--it was almost as hilarious as that first movie she won an Oscar for.

KIDDING!

Man, what a downer. Talk about the ol' one-two to the heart (thanks, folks). Not only was it an incredible movie, and the acting was amazing, but I found it so moving on such a deep level. It was so graceful, so spare, so sad. The last time I felt that way after a movie was when my husband and I saw 21 Grams and I sat in the dark theatre afterwards bawling my eyes out. Such deep sobbing that  Mr. Fits said, "Everyone's looking at you. Pretend you're laughing!"  I can't really say what it was about either movie that was so moving--but I know that it wasn't the plot or details of the story so much as it was the insightful rendering of the human experience.

***

Trouble At the Playground, Ya'know

Ooops. We forgot to bring the little guy's little stroller to the park this morning. As did three other parents. There were two strollers for about 6 kids to fight over share. Wasn't pretty. We'll have to remember to bring it later and take a picture. Because he really looks cute pushing it around. Macho and cute.

***

Blind Item

Which mullet-prone toddler dropped his first recognizable word yesterday? Sources close to the wee lad say they distinctly heard the word "Dow" when asking to be released from his mom's arms, not once but three separate times.

Also? When you ask what the duck says, he says "Kkkka...kkkka." And cow: "Mmmmmmmmm" (while holding his breath). Owl: "Hmm hmm. Hmm hmm." Not 100% accurate, but I'll take what I can get.

Son of Maclaren

I was kidding about Shit-Me-Not Elmo. We aren't really going to get it. I never, EVER want to see that red freak's nethers. But we did get this! To those of you who accuse me of being totally materialistic because I needed to get the Maclaren, I say this: guilty as charged. But what was I supposed to do? Have my son push around a no-name brand stroller? To quote Valerie Cherish, "I don't even need to see that."

I don't know how common a phenomenon it is in non-urban parts of the country, but here in NYC everybody and their little sister has a doll stroller that they bring to the park to push around. Lately our guy has been hijacking innocent toddlers' strollers, so I knew it wouldn't be long before we'd have to get one of our own. (There are only two possible outcomes when your child "borrows" someone else's toy in the park: the kid shares or your kid gets knocked to the ground by a 25-pounder named Hamish. Seriously.)

This afternoon we headed over to our favorite toy store and there I saw it: the Mini-Cooper of baby doll strollers. We took it out for a test drive at the park and H. pushed it around for a total of 1.5 minutes (cumulative), flipped it over and spun the wheels for 2 minutes, and then abandoned it in favor of trying to climb up the slide as some three year old girl stalked him and shouted, "Fireworks! Fireworks!" in his face.

Just one more thing, and then I am off to watch this movie. If you click on the link to the baby doll stroller again, please people, read the fine print! Neither the doll nor the child are included. Come on now--what did you expect for $19.99?

Bathroom Humor

I know it's a little early, but we are TOTALLY getting this. What do you think the sound effects are? Tickle me indeed.
 

The Return of Mr. Collar Bangs

I'm back. We spent a couple of weeks in Cape Cod. My mother lives by the beach and we shamelessly took full advantage of that. In the past month there have been some goings-on, both minor and major, so I'll do my best to get you up to speed.

1. The Sound of Two Hands Clapping
What's 19 lbs, has collar bangs and likes to wake up in the middle of the night just because? If you guessed H., you are correct. With all the excitement of the last month or so (turning 1, vacation, etc.) H. has decided he likes to wake up during the night. A lot. A lot a lot. Sometimes he wails. Sometimes he just wants company. And sometimes he claps. He's so good at it, he should earn some kind of medal. He's really a clapping prodigy. It's at moments like those when I look deep into his eyes and say, "That's it kid, you are on your own. Goodnight. I SAID GOODNIGHT DEAR SIR!"

2. Ferber Redux
See 1. We are going back to the land of no return. Hopefully.

3. The Mullet Strikes Again
It's back. Didn't we just cut it off? The collar bangs are up to their old tricks and we are going to  have to subject the boy to the scissors and the big scary duck chair once more. I ain't raising no hillbilly.

4. The Impending Arrival of LSPJCWSW
Brooklyn is all abuzz as we wait for H's future wife BFF to arrive. We are beside ourselves with anticipation. I have one word for you, dear Figlet: PLAYDATE! Aw yeah.

5. The Sound of Two Feet Walking
And one baby ass falling. H. has taken off, and I mean TAKEN OFF. In the last month he has really blossomed into an accomplished walker and this boy has no fear.

6. 13 Months Old Today
Still no words (unless you count gueway), but entertaining nonetheless.

7. Need Help
If anyone knows what gueway means, please email me.

7. Etc.
There's lots more but I can't really think of it right now. The only thing I want to add is that it was wonderful to take H. to the beach. Before we left, our upstairs neighbor who learned of our trip said: "The first time a child sees the ocean, it's amazing. It's going to be absolutely beautiful when he gets there."

And it was. The look on his face was one of wonder and amazement. I was amazed too...because it was as if I were experiencing it for the first time through his eyes. His hands reached down and met the shallow waves. And after he deemed it safe, he sat down or fell, I can't remember which, and let the water cover him. It was clear and the tide was low, and he was fascinated by how his hands and feet could be under water but he could still see them. He kept looking up at me as if to say, "Do you believe this?"