I am going back to work. On Monday.
Here's what happened: I got an offer for a temporary, but full-time job that goes until the beginning of November. In the last few days, I: negotiated till my head exploded (literally--not even figuratively, it actually just...BAM! exploded. It's a wonder I can still type.); frantically searched for childcare; interviewed several candidates; called several references; worried every morning between 4-7am; wondered why I am doing this; wondered why I wouldn't be doing this; and started reading into every move my baby made as doing it to incite guilt. Is it a coincidence, I ask, that in just the last week he has become the clingiest baby in the world? He knows. He so knows.
On top of all that, he had a stomach bug. And it wasn't pretty.
There are several pros to going back to work, albeit only temporarily, and only one con--the obvious one. I am going to miss my boy like you wouldn't believe. It makes me sad to think about it. Why am I doing it then? I think that even though the next few months will be really hard, it will make the several months after it much easier. It's also the next logical progression in terms of my work, and will be a good experience and I'll be that much further ahead the next time. I think in the end it will benefit the Fits and Starts Family Cause. I just wish it didn't have to hurt so much. And it's not even Monday yet.
I am sure every parent goes through this. Everyone tells me the first week is hard and then it gets easier. I have no desire to work out of the home full-time year round while H. is still a wee lad. But a couple months on, a couple months off would serve the cause well.
The only thing preventing me from losing it at this point is that I have found someone I really like to take care of H. I got a great feeling from her. She's coming tomorrow to see what H's day is like and to get acquainted with our home. There were many people I interviewed who I felt were competent. But this woman was more than that. She had great experience, was thoughtful, smart and kind. Very bubbly too. I knew we were simpatico when she asked me, as a mother herself, how I was enjoying motherhood and how I felt about going back to work. It was a small gesture, but it showed me she had my number. She was also the only person Jackson the Boy-Dog didn't bark at. That's something.
Unfortunately, I have to start Monday off very early and won't be around when H. wakes up most likely. Which might be for the best. For both of us.
Wish me luck.
