Facing My Fears

I once dated someone who was deathly afraid of sharks. But it wasn't an applied fear; it wasn't like he was a swimmer, surfer, or even spent time in the water. He was afraid to actually see a photo of them. At the time there was a big shark exhibit at the Museum of Natural History, so billboards of sharks with their enormous, razor-tooth-stuffed grins were plastered all over the city: at busstops, on buildings, in subway cars. He couldn't bear to look. It frightened him to the core.

When I was younger, I had the normal childhood fears of my long hair being cut off at night through the crack in the bed, or my feet being tickled while I slept (of course, by the same guy who was waiting under the bed to cut my hair). At least I think those are normal fears. But while those disappeared, there are three fears that have lingered in my subconscious to creep the crap out of me every time. No logic at all involved, it's a pure visceral reaction.

1. Tidal waves. This is what my nightmares look like:

I have a feeling I'm not alone on this one. And truthfully, a lot of my nightmares do involve a tidal wave scenario. But. Like my sissy shark-fearing ex-boyfriend, I am actually afraid to look at photos of them. Every now and then, I'll watch a program about tsunamis or tidal waves the way I'd watch something like The Ring. I can't watch and I can't look away either.

2. Large apartment complexes. I have no idea what this is about. They don't scare me the same way tidal waves do, but there's something that makes me really nervous when I see them. My heart races and my palms get sweaty. I'm not talking skyscrapers, either. I mean the buildings with about 2,000 apartments that look like they're really three apartment buildings attached to each other. I. Don't. Like. Them.

3. Raccoons. Now this fear can be traced, but should probably have been shed in childhood. When I was growing up, raccoons were rampant in my neighborhood. At twilight in summer, just as our kickball games were moving into full gear, those nasty little creatures would come out of the shadows and begin their night's work of ransacking garbage cans. We'd have to call it quits and head inside. Not the end of the story.

We soon found out that there was a family of raccoons living in our porch roof. There was a small hole that they'd all climbed into, set up shop, and invited their friends over. At the time, I shared a room with my younger sister and we each had a window behind our beds and our windows sat atop--anyone? anyone?--that's right, the porch roof. Remember, this is summer, so we have screens in the window. At night, those damn raccoons would crawl up to our windows and scratch on the screens. We'd wake up petrified. Now it's one thing to be afraid of an actual demon in front of you, but as time went on, I was more afraid of the possibility of raccoons appearing. I was afraid to go to sleep, afraid to walk past my window, kept the shade down, afraid of those beady eyes staring back at me in the darkness. But it didn't end there. Once fall came and the screens were out, the raccoons would still come calling. Tap, tap, tap on the window pane. Tap. Tap. Tap. They were my own personal Freddy Fingernails.

My parents tried, unsuccessfully, a couple of times to extricate them from the porch roof, and finally they were able to. But those pests still lurked on our block. And now they lurk in the recesses of my mind. They don't incite the same inexplicable fear as the apartment buildings or the thrill of staring a tidal wave down (well, a photo of a tidal wave), but I really, really hate them. And I am convinced the feeling is mutual.

So what about you? What makes you want to pull the sheets over your eyes?

Comments

[Tommy Himself]

What DOESN'T?

1) Bees. When I was 10, seeing a bee in the driveway was enough to send me running inside for the rest of the day.

2) Delirium. I spent a lot of time delirious as a child, being prone to high temperatures. (Like, 104, 105, 106 -- rushed to the hospital high temperatures!) When I got delirious, my hallucinations were always horrifying: hissing pipes thickening and thinning, spiders with ill will toward me. (Horrifying, and hard to explain!) I am very afraid of ever becoming delirious again.

3) Bombings. This also goes WAY back, farther than you'd think. When I was in grade school, we had air-raid drills every couple weeks. Every night the news would talk about the Soviet nuclear capability. I'd see Vietnamese napalm strikes on the news as well. I grew up imagining that there was an invisible target right over my head, my house, my school.

4) Nuns and singing children. But really, they are just harbingers of doom. If you see a nun or a group of singing children in a movie... some scary sh*t is gonna go down.

Though it's not a fear, per se, I am creeped out by the legs and feet of Muppets. I prefer to view my Muppets from the waist up.

[Sara]

My parents' house has a basement with two rooms. The first room held our camping gear, summer toys, etc. and I was perfectly fine with entering it. The second room was dark and horribly creepy, and had a massive old oil tank in it. I still get goosebumps when I go in there, and when I go up the stairs after being in that second room I have to run and slam the heavy wooden door behind me. Just thinking about it makes my skin crawl.

My current fears are tied up in Cicada Killer Wasps, which have infested our side yard. They are HUGE, and though supposedly benign toward humans, they enjoy dive bombing my head every time I leave our house through the front door. And there are, literally, about 4 hundred of them. The exterminator we called said it was the worst case he'd ever seen in such a small area.

[Tommy Himself]

This morning, CNN scares me.

[marla]

Living in an earthquake state i have a fear of being buried alive. maybe that's why i have a fear of rooms with low ceilings as well.

i also have a fear of what could possibly be lurking in our frig since i haven't cleaned it in awhile.

[walein]

I share your tidal wave fear. However, I only fear it for when I sleep. I almost never think about Tidal waves when I'm at the beach.

Nightmares.
To explain. I had lots of nightmares growing up and daymares. The kind where you wake up and you're awake but the nightmare continues running infront of your eyes while you run around freaking out.

The one Nightmare I still get--Tidal Waves.

So, it's probably just the fear of nightmares. (I also won't watch scary movies but once a decade).

[Figlet]

Corn cobs. I can't look at chewed up corn cobs. They make me want to break out in hives.

Driving through Ireland as a kid, the bogs where they cut the peat had that corn cobby look. Shudder.

And locusts.

[Jo]

Not unrelated to your tidal wave one...I freak OUT whenever I see footage of a big ship sinking. Titanic movies, WWII films, anything - however obviously filmed in a bathtub - big old sinking ships, nose down, glug glug glug. HATE it. The bigger the ship, the scarier it is.
Spiders. Cobwebs. 'Nuff said.
Huge tall buildings. Standing on the ground, looking up? I about pass out. I'd never make it in New York, New York.
Increasingly, the tube. As in underground trains. But I think that's just common sense. Before long I don't think I'll be able to go down there.

[Jill]

1. snakes and bats.

2. fire that would burn my body.

3. that first evening after we change the clocks in october - that dark and cold immersion.

then i have my normal stupid fears... :)

[Brooklyn Mama]

Sharks here too. Not, um, so much as an adult, but definitely as a kid. Thanks to my parents bringing me to see Jaws when I was four. Smart move, Mom and Dad.

Also the ocean, underwater scenes, tidal waves and not being able to touch ground while I'm swimming in anything but a pool.

[chicagomama]

ok, my fears as follows:

1. sharks. This fear is so deep, I cannot even swim in a pool by myself. really. I start thinking that maybe someone switched pool water to salt water and has let a shark live in the pool. umm, yeah.

2. the dentist. I get all shaky before going to the dentist and freak the eff out. Whenever I have had to get a new dentist (due to a move, etc) - I actually make B. call different practices until he finds one who is nice when he describes my fear and my inevitable freak out. God, this is one of the reasons I love my husband - he actually doens't mind making those calls.

3. having me teeth fall out. when combined with my dentist phobia - well, this is one of the reasons the freak outs are so bad. The scene in American History X having to do with teeth/jaw/biting the curb seriously gave me nightmares for weeks.

4. Heights. I have serious vertigo...which sucks when you realize that my husband is from Idaho, and mountains are rather common out that way - well, when we go to visit the area, we are always "taking the long way" when driving anywhere.

[jacks]

chicagomama--we were just talking about that scene in american history x two days ago! and how i have never been able to get that image out of my mind! arrrrggggghhhh!